Monday, December 26, 2016

It's Better Than Not Knowing

The psychiatrist said it first. The psychologist agrees. I think we finally have it - a diagnosis, something to go off of, to plan and make goals for a better today and tomorrow. Jellybean has Borderline Personality Disorder. They're calling it "traits" rather than "disorder", because she's only 11, but it's the same. Friends with BPD have told me: She has a rough time ahead. I can deal with rough, as long as I know why. Knowing why helps me know how to respond. We're lucky, really, to live in a time when the brain is somewhat more understood. A mystery, still, but not for lack of trying. People want to know why, want to know how to help, and so we have wonderful doctors worrying towards that goal. Oh, there are still people who would say, "All that kid needs is a good ass-whooping," but they are no longer the majority. She's lucky, too, to have parents who give a shit, who saw something not right and set about to fix it. No, we won't be able to just "make it all better," but we will be right there beside her - learning how to cope, how to help her adjust the way she responds (if not the way she thinks). Our goal is for her to feel confident to take on the world, to not be held back by a faulty fuse in her brain. Is it really even faulty? Yes, she is the one who will have to adapt to society, but her brain is not bad; it's only different. We have a list of goals to work on over time, but the first is assertiveness. When kids at school upset her, she just ignores them or smiles and pretends she's fine. She has to learn to say, "Please don't do that, it upsets me." She also has to learn her responsibility ends there. If people choose to be dicks after it's pointed out to them, it reflects on THEM, not her. Hell, we could ALL stand to learn THAT!

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